How to rescue a sagging newspaper business.

Charge for internet access!

[frogs croaking, crickets chirping]

Paint Mickey Kaus skeptical:

We Want the Overnights!

Q.: Does the NYT have the subscriber totals for the triumphant first days of TimesSelect, its new pay-for-columnists feature?

A: Of course it does.

Q.: If those numbers were any good, wouldn't the NYT be telling us about them?

A: Of course it would!

Q: Have you seen them telling us about any numbers?

A.: Not yet.

Plan B: Pledge Drive! Devote a quarter of the normal news space in the paper to pleas for contributions to "keep us from having to accept advertising." Lend money to Air America. Don't take questions.