Welcome to the Hotel L. Ron Hubbard

There they stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell;
And I was thinking to myself,
"This could be heaven or this could be hell." [. . .]

"Relax," said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave!"

Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown.